Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2017 - 10:43 AM

neo-luddites unite!

i was reliving my dad's health episode the other day. i think it drove me into a fever. i went home to bed after work and shivered and sweated.

or maybe i'm sick and don't know it?

i've been very drowsy lately... energy is at an all time low. is it the diet? am i getting too much sleep? finished a draft of LOVE TEETH the other day. it's been kind of laborious to try and revise it right now. almost sick of the thing which is good because i'm not attached so much. going to put it away for a couple more weeks and try again. started working on a new one called PROJECT HEIRLOOM about a family that spirals into madness together. the family is all insulated in their own bubbles so they don't really know who one another is and only their madness bonds them. it's a story about nature reclaiming what's hers... i think... the dad is a raving lunatic - he loses his job when the plant he works for is shut down because the feds are claiming imminent domain for construction project - when he's not obsessively attending to his lawn he entertains ludicrous (maybe) conspiracy theories and believes that the government is spying on his weird wife and son. the wife is suffering from postpartum depression... still suffering from postpartum depression (her son's a teenager) and seeks out the therapy of a quack who practices on a yacht to avoid the law... the son sort of joins a "church" that he finds online that ends up being nefarious (of course!) and attracts the interests of the FBI, CIA, NSA, whathaveyou. and while all that is happening, in the family home, the pit of a new/exotic fruit that the wife brought home, is slowly rotting and growing through the hardwood floors, behind the radiator... i finished a draft of a short story last summer that i'm not quite thrilled with, yet. it's got a lot of stephen king in it because i was only reading stephen king last summer so i should probably address that... it doesn't have a voice of my own... the narrator is sexless and maybe too haughty... i like the ending a lot... there are lots of issues with metaphors - birds and insects - that need clearing up. it's a story about a veteran teacher who finally meets their match with a demon child that isn't really paranormally a demon but just a real delinquent that can't be tamed. The story is called KILL DEER MONKEY BARS. Amy read it but didn't have much to say. maybe i should give it to an old teacher to read? should i burden someone so? Whenever i get in deep with writing i have this impulse to try and distract from it with music making. i guess it's a blessing that i don't have a guitar to waste time on. i almost started a podcast that was sprawling and absurd and i'm glad that kind of died after erin told me that i should be writing instead. amazingly, i listened. i need discipline - a teacher constantly directing my focus where it needs to be. Since last time i visited, erin and i bought a house. her parents, with their boundless generosity and love, helped us finance and renovate the 90 year-old place. It's small and cozy and we love it. We also got a dog, of course. dreams of sunny california keep me up some nights... what if? what if you pulled it together and got things rolling and moved to make movies and make a name for yourself? what if you got a shrink and figured out the hang-ups, cleared the cobwebs to get to what you're really supposed to do? is it only fear? fear. i've always been afraid... she's trying to tell me it's alright... don't be afraid...

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